My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize