Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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