There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
