dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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