Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize