Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
