I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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