Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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