Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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