When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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