you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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