I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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