Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Drunk is not a location!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize