Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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