I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
