i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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