I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
