You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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