happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Who died my cat blue again?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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