someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Life without a bra equals bliss.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
