She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Never underestimate the power of titties
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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