I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
