I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
