Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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