went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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