How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
