Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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