My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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