bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
