So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
