Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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