these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just invented taco cereal.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
