eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
