Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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