i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
