Non-Jews are for practice
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
