....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
