so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
