I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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