she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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