Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
