Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
And then he peed in my hair
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