I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
