how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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