sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize