the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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