two words...techno handjob
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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