why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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