Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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