i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
