woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
