does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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