I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
