I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
