highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
