i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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