Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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