Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
