East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
