I will die if light touches me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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