i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My penis needs a shock collar
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
