Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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