I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
