She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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