I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize