Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
